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A few years ago, I was at a dinner party with a bunch of new people. There were lots of people from the self-development world and we were all getting to know each other.
It was a pretty normal dinner until one woman — who’d been in a string of bad relationships — started asking for advice from the love coach sitting across from her.
It’s not about finding random men,” she said. “I keep going on horrible dates. The guys are unavailable. Why can’t I find someone real?”
It’s actually pretty amazing to hear this in public from someone you just met. I sat back, slowly chewing and loving every bit of it.
The love Mentor sat back and waited for her to finish. “Are you sure you want to change?”
The girl: “YES!”
And then the Love Mentor said this:
"You’ve been public as a single woman. You’ve written columns about going on dates. Your entire identity is about being single. If you got in a serious relationship, you’d have to rewrite that entire identity. Are you ready for that?"
Honestly I will never forget the look on this woman’s face. She was completely dumbfounded.
Of course, I found this fascinating. Even though this woman claimed she wanted to change, in reality, she didn’t want to give up being single.
Every date, she looked for the tiniest things to go wrong. And when they did, it was an instant red flag, “This guy’s all wrong for me.” In other words, she’d written off her dates and committed to staying single — before they even happened!
The most interesting part is she hadn’t even realized she was doing this until the love Mentor pointed it out.
How many of us have created an identity around something that’s holding us back from living a Rich Life?
The truth is, we all do this. How many of us want to change our job, lose weight,start another source of income, or dress better? Easy to complain about it. But what if there was an invisible script guiding us to make the wrong decisions…that we didn’t even consciously recognize? (“I’m not the kind of guy who needs to change my clothing…that’s for shallow people.”)We all have this — me included! There are things I want to do that I can’t seem to bring myself to do. And that’s why I flew one of the world’s foremost experts on changing behavior into studio for an interview.
